I was going to write about how I was unable to make it into the office yesterday due to the fact that I caught some sort of weird third world cold from one of my coworkers, but then I felt it would be funnier just to write about my experience at the doctor's once the cold was actually caught.
After contracting a low level avian flu (best guess), I panicked and rushed to a local doctor. Whereas some people go to the doctor for any little pain in the hopes of getting Vicodin, I go to try and score Levaquin and/or Zithromax. You can never have too many antibiotics. This was my first visit to this doctor, so I had to go through the motions of being examined before he would hand over the good stuff.
Blood Pressure - 128/86. When I asked the nurse if that was high, she said no. Anything over 90 for the bottom number was considered high. Am I paranoid in thinking that four points isn’t far enough below?
Ears - Someone loves q-tips. Not sure if it was the actual size of my ears or their cleanliness, but the doctor was intrigued. Kept asking me how in hell I got them so clean.
Chest- And breathe....Apparently I am very congested. If I wasn't coughing yet I would be soon.
Throat Culture - Say Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. We have a winner. Cause of my sickness is a bacteria infection.
While the doctor was writing my prescriptions for an antibiotic and cough syrup, he felt it was a good time to open up about his affiliation with the porn industry. His office does a good amount of pre-op consultation work for a local porn star plastic surgeon. One must make sure they are in the proper health before they have huge saline fun bags inserted under the chest muscle. With all the pre-op stuff, the doc has gained quite a few new regular patients. Once you talk to your doctor about having your anus bleached I guess you can let down your guard and talk about anything. As I am walking out, my new favorite doctor tells me how he saw a girl yesterday who was in an all anal movie earlier in the week. It burns down there. He figures before the week is out, he will see the rest of the cast.
Got to love LA.
3 comments:
That's what you get for communicating with customers primarily via carrier pigeon!
Maybe next time you're there your "next girlfriend" will be sitting in the waiting room along with you.
Well, I went to the doctor today and had my surgi tape removed. I saw photos of your bastard babies, all together (that's 20+) they only weighed 2lbs. I guess they aren't big eaters like their Papa.
speaking of all anal movies, very films can hold a candle to "Stop, My Ass is on Fire" or "Balls Deep in Her Shitbox". Classics.
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