I have seen the future and it isn't pretty

For the majority of the population the male body is not a pretty thing. It is usually misshapen and covered in fur. For this reason, it is best to keep it covered up for the majority of one's life. There are exceptions, usually found in the form of a pretty boy male model. In these instances the body is uncovered in some homo-erotic ad usually done by Calvin Klein or Abercrombie and Fitch. I have no problem with this. I do however have a problem with nude men at the gym. Before you freak out please realize that this phenomenon is restricted to the locker room. I have a routine. I go in, change, throw my crap in a locker, and get out as quickly as possible. Even with my super speed changing, I am forced to see things no person should have to see. I call it the nude old man. It is bad enough I have to watch them change but they actually like to hang out (literally) in the locker room. I think the gym actually encouraged this behavior by adding couches and plasma TVs. You have not known horror until you have seen a 60 year old man sitting buck naked on a vinyl couch. I swear you can hear a suction sound coming from their nether region as they try to get up. I am very comfortable in my home but I don't sit on my couch naked. It is just wrong. You would think the site of man bush would keep me away but it is having the opposite effect on me. I actually work out more because I am so frightened of what my body is going to look like eventually. I just hope going there isn't going to make me feel comfortable relaxing with no pants on in the locker room. Last thing I need is Gym Stockholm Syndrome.

NOT OKAY!!!