Good Year = Bird Poop

I got pooped on by a bird while I was eating a chicken burger. Could it have been revenge? I heard being pooped on was good luck. Powerball here I come!

Crackberry

I am one step closer to not having to have actual contact with people anymore. At the gentle prodding of my coworkers I purchased a Blackberry Pearl last week. I included the model name so people would think I was cool. I'm not the type of loser to get a full size blackberry. I got the small one with the vanity mirror built into the back. Izzz got to look good when Izz be checking the comments on my blog.

Barry's Millions

I had a follow up appointment with my doctor today. I have to drop 100 points from my cholesterol in thirty days or I won't inherit $300 million from my rich uncle Rupert Horn. The catch is I am not allowed to tell anyone about the $300 million. I know most people will think I am crazy, but I think I'm gonna go for it.

Dedicated Readers

I honestly thought no one would notice I was writing again. Has everyone been sitting around waiting, hoping, sobbing gently into their Star Wars pillow cases? Oh wait, that's me.

I am glad to be back. I might be a bit rusty for a few days. My rapier wit is about on par with my ad;dfg typing skills right now.

Only in LA

A new segment about stupidity in Los Angeles:

A BMW convertible driver's ed car. Enough said.

R.I.P. Billy 1992 - 2007

My friend's dog died this week. Thankfully it wasn't the daily beatings, but old age. I am kidding, I am sure it was the beatings. I am just joking. It was old age. Billy was 14.5 years old. He had a good life, but it still sucks it had to end.

New Year, Old Me

I have been racking my brain trying to figure out what to write about in this glorious new year. I was going to write about the fact that it snowed in Los Angeles for the first time since 1962, but I lost interest. I was going to write about the knife fight I had with a man wearing one ice skate at Quizno's, but since I don't like their toasted bread I felt that would be false advertising. Then I was thinking about writing about how Niki Gudex added me as one of her MySpace friends and how it must mean we are truly in love, but after seeing she already had 600 friends I realized our love might not be that special after all.

So finally I have decided to write about my health. I got the results of my physical back today and all I can say is, "What the fuck!!!!!" I have the cholesterol of a 475 pound elderly lady who took IHOP up on their 'All You Can Eat Pancakes For $5.99 Special. For those of you who think I am exaggerating I have decided to include the numbers:
Cholesterol 276
HDL 38
LDL 223


Key up the soundtrack to Rocky. It is time for me to get my ass in gear. I might even have to start using this blog to keep track of bike rides again. Nah, that would bore the shit out of everyone.

In any event the blog is back.