This post is dedicated to Lewis' deleted post

So Barry and I were discussing the blog, and we both came to the conclusion that it needs more raw anger. There just isn't enough unbridled rage around here. On that note, I present the following list of

Ten Things That Piss Me The Fuck Off

by Randy Sexer

#10: Erik Sean Nelson

The Barry Rides has a longstanding feud with this sack of crap. He knows what he did.

Punishment:

As it so happens, while I was writing this I found another photo of Mr. Nelson and noticed he's actually a very large, powerful-looking dude, and could quite possibly kick Barry's ass; maybe even mine. So at this point I would like to take the time to apologize, on Barry's behalf, to Erik Sean Nelson. Sorry, buddy. Won't happen again.

#9: The Geico Lizard

Okay I get it. "Geico" kinda sounds like "Gecko". Har. And of course geckos all sound like 19th century chimney sweeps. If there were any justice in this world, the actor who voices this fuck-ass lizard would have his mouth destroyed by shrapnel from a suicide bomber at a family reunion.

Punishment:

Brain sucked out by a spider.

#8: People who still wear Bluetooth headsets

I'm aware they make driving safer. And yeah maybe they prevent brain tumors caused by cellphone radiation. I don't care. They fucking look stupid and annoy the shit out of me and must therefore die.

Punishment:

Concentrated sound waves pummeling your eardrum will over time cause hearing loss, causing you to have to wear a hearing aid on that ear and your Bluetooth on the other one, making you look like more of a stupid asshole than you already are.

#7: My Mom

A great example of everything that's wrong with mothers in general. Calls too much, solely to bitch about other family members. Wears clothing that doesn't reflect what decade she's in. Thinks I'm a junkie because I occasionally smoke pot, but has an infinite refill prescription for Xanax. Constantly reminds everyone she's Italian*.

*This applies to Jewish mothers as well

Punishment:

Has me for a son.

#6: These fuckin things

I'm not talking about the actual air vents that you'll find on Buicks or Cadillacs, for example; I'm talking about the little plastic gay stickers you can buy at Auto-Zone that are supposed to look like them. They represent all that is wrong with this country. If you have these on your vehicle, I hope they are the last thing you see when you die in a fucking car fire.

Punishment:

When you realize that nobody thinks these are cool, you will peel them off your fender only to realize that car paint fades over time due to exposure to the Sun's rays, and you are a huge douchebag whose car now has permanent dark spots in the shape of fake air vents. You will then step on a syringe that has AIDS on it.

#5: Kanye West

If you'll remember, Kanye is the gentleman who passionately declared, during a televised fundraiser for Hurricane Katrina victims, that "George Bush doesn't care about black people". He then went on to prove that Kanye West doesn't care about black people either, by making albums that embarrass them.

Punishment:

Looks like an angler fish.

#4: Fergly

I mean Fergie. I know two musical entertainers in a row makes me look lazy, but this list cannot be complete without Fergie. Her lyrics are shittier than Charles Krauthammer's pajama legs. Sample:

"He's my witness (ooooh wee!)
I put yo boy on rock, rock! And he be linin' down the block, just to watch what I got I'm Fergalicious"

Fun Fact: Fergie is from Hacienda Heights, where there are no black people.

Punishment:

The Internet.

#3: List-based blog posts

A clear sign of a lazy blogger who doesn't understand proper joke construction and who isn't creative enough to form a narrative arc. Used primarily by douchebags.

Punishment:

This isn't funny.

#2: White people

What can I say; white rule has seen better days. White people are hated by every other ethnic group, and don't even have their own water fountains anymore.

Punishment:

#1: Barry

Claims to, quote, "have no problem with humor and sick shit", but has a Standards and Practices Department for his fuckin blogspot. Claims John Mayer is a douche but drives the exact same extremely rare vehicle. Updates his Twitter while taking a shit. Wears a kimono to bed*.

*presumably

Punishment: