Unemployment Conspiracy

Has anyone noticed that when you don't work the day is about eight hours shorter? Without a job I am lucky to get one thing completed a day. It really makes no sense. Everyday someone asks some variation of the following, "What did you do today?” My answer is usually limited to one menial task. Here are some of the things I have accomplished during a typical day. Keep in mind, only one item is allowed per day so I have to map out the week accordingly:

1. Write on my blog

2. Fill my car with gasoline. I don't recommend this one if you are not working. ($46 to fill a Mini Cooper)

3. Go to the gym for thirty minutes.

4. Peer through the blinds at the neighbors.

5. Look on Craig's List for writing jobs. I still have not found an ad looking for a writer with no experience.

6. Read a few chapters of whatever book I am currently enthralled with.

7. Annoy people on IM.

8. Talk to a parent about how I have not found a new job that suits my liking.

9. Walk the dog. This one is a toughie. He needs to go out everyday. I tried to explain to him that I couldn’t multitask. He responded by shitting on the floor last night.

10. Complain. So this one might have some overlap.

As for my unemployment conspiracy, I am convinced that there is sleeping powder in the unemployment check envelope. There can be no other explanation for why I cannot get anything done during the day. Thoughts?