Emergency 911 Poop

With each day of unemployment, I try to do something new. Usually, I try to plan out my adventure. Go to an art gallery, grow a mustache, nap in a bedding store, etc. Today's activity however came as a total surprise. I wasn't sure about sharing this story, but since I am into self deprecation I figure nothing is off limits. Today's unemployment escapade involved me pooping in the woods. Yes, you heard me correctly. I dropped my pants and went boom boom on some very unfortunate plants. I swear on my life it could not be avoided. You see, one of my unemployment goals is to get in better shape. In order to get in better shape I am forced to exercise. Today's exercise consisted of biking with a friend in the Santa Monica Mountains. Without going into too much detail, lets just say, I got an overwhelming surge that produced two choices. I could either lie down on the trail in the fetal position and hope that the pain would go away, or drop my pants and poop. I chose the latter. Right there on the side of the trail, I dropped my pants and took care of business. Before you even ask, I did not use leaves for clean up. Does anyone know where I can get a good deal on new gloves? When I caught up to my friend and he asked why I took so long, I simply told him I pooped in the woods. From that point on I road home alone.