My moustache has a moustache

At the beginning of the summer I tried to grow a mustache but failed miserably. I looked like a 14 year old Puerto Rican. Not that there is anything wrong with Puerto Ricans. Maybe a better description would be to say, my crappy facial hair made me look like I just got kicked out of Menudo for going through puberty. With my dreams of entering a Burt Reynolds look alike contest behind me (Burt 1976 of course), I tried to do more important things with my time. There was uhhh and ehhhh. Okay, maybe I don't have more important things to do.

As the days have gone by facial hair depression has really put a strain on my relationships. Friends haven't wanted to hang out with me in months. Finally my friend Lana couldn't take it any longer, so she did some research on how to help me out. Once she realized implants would be too expensive she decided on the next best thing. She bought me son of Moustachio, the greatest facial toupee ever made.

The tag line on the 'stache: We bet you five bucks you've never seen a moustache with a moustache! This manly 'stache inherited tons of machismo from his father, and will pass it down - along with yet another moustache - to his own son someday.

This has given me an amazing idea for a business. Does anyone know where I can get waterproof fake fur?