17 Again enrages me!!

The movie 17 Again is causing fire to grow in my belly. It is not because I hate Zac Efron (I do), or the fact that this genre of movie died a quick death in 1988 with Kirk Cameron in Like Father Like Son*. Its the false hope that enrages me! If I just get a second chance everything is going to be better!! Let's dissect the idea. Say I had some magic beans that could suddenly transport me back into high school circa 1990, what would life be like?

I would be a freak of nature, that's what life would be like. Even more so this time. I would be a 17 year old with the mind of a 33 year old. Sure I would have a bit more knowledge and a bit more skills with the ladies (so little), but would I want it? These are girls with big beeves, bigger hair and pegged jeans. There is no way I would find them attractive. They are children for Christ's sake. Now that we have girls covered, let's look at my living situation. I would be living with my parents, sleeping on a twin bed with a minimum of one spring poking through the ripped Star Wars sheets that I refuse to part with. That sounds fun. Ah, but at least I have a job which equals freedom. What? You say I work at CVS making $4.25 an hour. Hmmm, that doesn't buy much freedom. What was I going to do differently again?

On the plus side I would have the knowledge of the past twenty years as a burden on my shoulders. I would tell my mom to buy stock in Apple. She would ignore me. I would tell my dad to divorce my mom. He would ignore me. I would tell the FBI that some planes were going to crash into the World Train Center in eleven years. They would ignore me. And worst of all I would still get a D in gym class. No thanks Mr. Efron. You can keep your movie and your false dreams.

*I realize that Like Father Like Son is a different premise of movie. One involves going back to high school and one involves switching bodies with your father. Don't even get me started on that movie. If you switch bodies with your dad and take a shower isn't there some sort of charges your father could be brought up on?