Unemployment has aged me.

Over the last few months I wish I could say I maximized my unemployment by getting in amazing shape or by spending my days writing a new TV pilot, but anyone who knows me, knows that would be a lie. The truth is I haven't done much of anything, but fall apart. I did have an amazing idea for a show that revolves around an old white guy who has a stroke and his young black nurse that helps him get better. Picture John Malkovich as the stroke victim and Mo'Nique as the nurse. I will call it Stroke of Luck. That is a post for another time though and no I did not steal the idea from The Intouchables. 

The purpose of this post is to discuss how I have aged approximately twenty-three years in the course of six months due to not working. Not since the president have I seen a position age a man worse. Have you ever looked at pictures of Bush when he first took office and then when he left? He was beaten down by the job. In this case I've been beaten down by the lack of job. My body is broken from inactivity. Clearly I need to back this up with cold hard facts, so let me begin with my goiter. I lost my job and the first thing I find out is I have some sort of a growth in my neck. If I was employed I doubt it would have happened or at the very least I doubt I would have gone to the doctor to check. Then there's my back. When I was employed I had a herniated disc. I lost my job and the herniated disc went away. I know in this case it sounds like not having a job made me better, but think again. In its place I now have a torn disc. Obviously it's unemployments fault. With the torn disc has come a new ailment called "Give Way Weakness." or as my doctor calls it "Faggot Legs." It's where I will be walking along and suddenly I get the sensation that my legs are going to give out. Sounds fun right? If I was sitting at a desk working, I wouldn't have to worry about my legs giving out now would I? And now the final nail in the coffin, I now have terrible stiff necks. It was either me jerking off in the shower and turning my head to see if I was out of shampoo or I slept on it weird. Either way I wouldn't have been in the shower or sleeping if I was working. Have I proven that unemployment has broken me yet? Jesus this post is long winded for nothing. The point is I went and had acupuncture today to relieve my unemployed neck pain and I wanted to post a picture. Enjoy! I will try to blog more if I can work through the pain.

*I don't think Faggot Legs is a scientific term.
** Shit, look at those neck rolls.  Unemployment made me fat too!