You know the scene in Rocky 3 when Apollo is training Rocky and he keeps yelling "eye of the tiger, eye of the tiger, Rock"? Well I could benefit from a little "tiger eye" myself. As spring gives way to summer, and I emerge from my winter couch hibernation, I'm feeling I need to challenge myself a bit, push my limits.
In order to rouse myself from my torpor, I feel like I must make some changes, which is why I've decided to sign up for the Activia Challenge.
You see, while I am far too lazy to allow Carl Weathers to chase me on a beach, I (like many Americans) have set my own personal achievement expectations so low that I will consider eating yogurt that makes me poop a "challenge"..... a challenge that I believe I am up to.
Don't get me wrong, as Albert Brook's character in Weeds said, "I shit like a Swiss train" (in fact, I'm typing this while on the toilet). No, the true prize of the Activia Challange lies not in the toilet, but in the "Money Back Guarantee". You see, if Activia, and its key ingredient Bifidus Regularis® are unable to resolve my "irregularity" they will send me a refund of up to $12.00!
How do I get that sweet cash you ask? That's the best part, the people at Dannon, in their quest to offer the best diuretic yogurt on the market, want a brief description of how Activia failed to resolve my problems. They're actually going to pay me to write about taking a crap!!!
Some people dream of being a doctor, some want to change their world by pursuing public office. I've just found my dream job.
1 comment:
brilliant jake. and i recall your fascination with shit ... 2nd grade mrs. lolk reading charlotte's web asking us if we knew what manure was. you were the only one who did.
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