Wiesenthal Center unearths damning photo

Did you honestly think Stalin came up with the mass operations of the NKVD on his own?

Birthday posts officially done.

Is anything sacred?

I am getting sick and tired of all the remakes coming out. Why is Hollywood allowing classic after classic to be reimagined into pure deuce? I feel I might be personally to blame. I mean when Can't Buy Me Love was remade into Love Don't Cost a Thing I did nothing. My inactivity with regards to this plagiarism reminds me of how I was during WW2. I even wrote a poem about it.
When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent;
I was not a Jew.

When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.

Well now I am speaking out. I have reached my breaking point. The classic art film Street Fighter has been stripped of all its class and creativity via Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li. Street Fighter was Raul Julia's crowning achievement. It was so good, he never made another movie after it. Doesn't that tell the executives in Hollywood something? We must stop this now before it gets any worse.

Too late - plans for a new version of The Neverending Story are under way.

Thousands of chickens dying as we turn a blind eye

There is no chicken Holocaust. They all moved to Brooklyn.

The greatest movie quote of all time

Has anyone seen the movie American Flyers? I am not going to bore you with the details, but what could be the greatest line of all time is uttered to Kevin Costner when he tells his brother he is dying.

"How could you be sick? I mean look at you, you got a mustache and everything."
Now that is good writing.

Always time to torture

Thirty-six years ago. . . I can't believe it's been thirty-six years since Lewis emerged from the womb. Eventually historians will show conclusive proof that he was around for a lot longer than that, but for now let's wish him a Happy Birthday. Enjoy the day raping and pillaging!

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long long year stolen many man's soul and faith
I was around when Jesus Christ had His moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Pilate washed his hands and sealed His fate
Pleased to meet you hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game

Stuck around St. Petersburg when I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the Tzar and his ministers, Anastasia screamed in vain
I rode a tank held a gen'rals rank when the blitzkrieg
raged and the bodies stank
Pleased to meet you hope you guess my name. Oh yeah
Ah what's puzzling you is the nature of my game. Oh yeah

I watched the glee while your kings and queens fought for
ten decades for the Gods they made
I shouted out "Who killed the Kennedy's?" when after all
it was you and me
Let me please intruduce myself I'm a man of wealth and taste
And I lay traps for troubadors who get killed before they reach Bombay
Pleased to meet you hope you guess my name. Oh yeah
But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game. Oh yeah
Pleased to meet you hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game

Just as every cop is a criminal and all the sinners, Saints
as heads is tails, just call me Lewis 'cause I'm in need
of some restraint
So if you meet me, have some courtesy have some sympathy
and some taste
Use all your well learned politesse or I'll lay your soul to waste
Pleased to meet you hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game

Seems like old times

I wanted to introduce everyone to an old friend of mine. His name is Ralphie. He comes to visit from time to time. When he's in town, he likes to stay on my nose. I feel bad telling him he outstayed his welcome.

Blog Issues

Something is wrong with the blog. All the posts are showing up blank. Fix it. Sorry talking to myself.

Just In Case the Stimulus Plan Doesn't Work...

I believe in Obama, I think he has the ability to unite this country and return us to the correct path. I support his stimulus package.

That said, I was thinking the other day about what I would do in the event that things didn't work out, what would happen if the shit really hit? And by that, I don't mean double digit unemployment, lost decades, or massive deflation. I'm talking about stabbing people for fresh water, eating shoe leather for its nutritional value, and bartering for gasoline. I'm talking about THUNDERDOME!!!

Now, having grown up in a comfortable suburb in one of the wealthiest nations during its most prosperous years, I don't have many of the tools necessary for survival in a post apocalyptic wasteland. So here's my plan:

First I need a glue gun....

I think Target's selling them for $9.99,

Then I need some football pads...

A couple feathers from an arts & crafts store....

And voila, I'll fit right in....

So if things don't work out with the bail out, and you see this dude at the local Exxon station, don't freak out, its just me doing my part, trying to adapt to the changing times.

Damn, I hope the bail out works....

Joaquin Phoneix - the review

There's been a lot of speculation in the media lately on whether or not Joaquin Phoenix has lost his shit or is playing a big Tony Clifton joke on everyone. I say, who cares. Let's discuss what is really important, namely how awesome his facial hair is. Sure his acting career has reached the pinnacle of success, but to me that is just gravy. His real accomplishment is the fact that he can grow that thick luxurious beard. I just want to stick my hands in it and see if they get stuck. I want to brush it and then when summer comes, shear it down to make sweaters for orphan children.

Fun Fact - Joaquin use to go by the name Leaf

Weekend in Pictures - douche edition - Just like Yahoo News

Douche in a douche outfit buying a sandwich at Bay Cities Deli:


Liberal Ironic Douche:


Retro Douche (May or may not have been John Lovitz):


*Damn I want a Delorean. Look at all that stainless steel. It can be my company car when I decide to fight rust as a career.

Red Pill

I just realized that I am plugged into the Matrix. Here is how I know. I actually like some of Keanu Reeve's movies. Street Kings, Constantine, The Matrix, Point Break, The Lake House. How else can you explain it? I think it is cool that I am self aware. I am like a Buddha with round eyes. Please don't sue me for 4 billion for being a racist. I learned it by watching you.

Things I have done today

• Had to poop as soon as I got out of the shower. Hate that.
• Looked at the new SI swimsuit issue. Got depressed. Is a magazine supposed to do that?
• Tried to update my resume. Used worked, completed, lead, and helped when I should have used, bullshitted, put off, forgot, and complained. Do I put blogger under skill set or job experience?
• Listened to Jhen's mother request her boyfriend to kiss her feet in Spanish. She didn't realize her phone was on. Long gross story.
• Bought some bolts from the UK.
• Asked my friend to make a picture of Ed209 holding a Barry Rides sign.
• Typed this post while on a conference call.

Almost as good as the barry rides

I don't really like to plug other blogs because it takes away from how awesome this one is, but I am going to make an exception for the following two sites:

This is why you're fat
F My Life

I'd buy that for a dollar

Sure the economy is failing, but you need to look at the bright side. As each auto company lays off more and more people, Detriot is becoming more dystopic and crime ridden. See where I am going with this? With this increase in crime, and the advancements in modern technology, there is really only one solution. Somebody call Peter Weller's agent. I honestly think we could make Robocop a reality. Let's look at what we need:
Peter Weller - Being a robot cyborg has to be better than doing dinner theater in the Valley
Roll of Tin Foil - It's bullet proof right?
1986 Ford Taurus - The world's most ideal police car. Will start looking on Craig's List in a few.
Cap Gun - No way I am trusting Peter Weller with a real gun. Can you even buy cap guns anymore?
Kurtwood Smith - We need a villian. This might be tough. I think he actually works.

I promise the citizens of Detriot, that when things seem to be at their worst, at least my Robocop won't have a purple tinge like the suit had in part 2. That was just lame.

Live Coverage of the 28th Annual Grammy Awards

My Grammy Party has gone off without a hitch. Randy brought the best pate. As they announce each award I am at the edge of my seat. I could die. Here is the rundown so far:

Record of the Year
Quincy Jones (producer) for "We Are the World" performed by USA for Africa
Album of the Year
Hugh Padgham (producer) & Phil Collins (producer & artist) for No Jacket Required
Song of the Year
Michael Jackson & Lionel Richie (songwriters) for "We Are the World" performed by USA for Africa
Best New Artist
Sade

Blues
Best Traditional Blues Recording
B. B. King for "My Guitar Sings the Blues"

Children's
Best Recording for Children
Jim Henson & Steve Buckingham (producers) for Follow That Bird - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack performed by the Sesame Street cast

I just loved Follow That Bird. I am so glad it won. I have my fingers crossed for
Mike Berniker & the original Broadway cast from Ma Rainey's Black Bottom to win Best Spoken Word or Non-musical Recording.

More coverage as the results come in . . .

He fought his first battle on the Scottish Highlands in 1536

To quote BIlly Ocean, "Simply Awesome"

The "I Can Read Movies" Series

*This blog has a completely platonic relationship with the movie Highlander! We have always wanted more though.

Love taking photos with my iPhone

Jean Shorts - check
Roller Blades - check
Manhood . . .

Can I kick Your Ass: Part Deuce

Ever since people at work decided that I was too much of a wuss to beat up the company's art director I have been going to the gym more often. Other than the foot menopause, the workouts have been good. So can some one explain to me why the machine from the future claims that I am shrinking? I have been 6 foot for most of my man-child life, yet now according to this contraption I am 5'9. This is some serious Benjamin Button shit or would a reference to The Incredible Shrinking Woman starring Lilly Tomlin been funnier?

Results from a few months ago:

New Results:

Notice as I get shorter my weight goes up. Very interesting, indeed!

Wizard of Oz Dream - stretch of a title

I had a dream last night that I was in training to learn how to use some sort of reporting system at work. Damn it was boring. Weird thing about the dream was that there were co-workers from all my past jobs in the training. I think there was even a fellow cashier from CVS there. If that wasn't strange enough, Nicole Kidman was also in the class. I said, "Why the hell are you here? You have an Oscar!" She got all offended. The nerve of some people. Later in the dream I peed myself. Did I mention I wasn't wearing pants in the dream?

Foot Menopause

I have been getting these hot flashes in my left foot for the last week and the only explanation I can come up with is my foot is going through the change. Actually according to web MD I might have some neurological disorder or some sort of nerve damage. Is that the same thing? Either way in my research I did find this: Hot Foot. Yes, I did a search on hot foot.

So I guess if I was a Mets fan I would have that going for me.

Timbuktu

I just finished a book about a dog that kills himself. What kind of a mood do you think I am in?