Amanda Knox: The Lifetime Biopic

True story: back in the late 1990's my family had an older guy working for us as a salesman. He was a real broken down sort of Willy Loman type that would always carry a handkerchief around that he would hock phlegm into. Well after some time, it became clear that things weren't working and we let him go. No big deal, not even worth mentioning except...

A couple weeks after he was fired, a package arrived at the office addressed to our company, care of our former employee. Since it was addressed to us, I opened the package only to find a home-made looking VHS cassette with a plain white label that read: "FJ 5". Included in the package was a letter addressed to our former employee, written on plain white paper, that apologized for a defective cassette and offered the enclosed cassette as a replacement. It went on to say that the letter could be used as a coupon for discounts on future "FJ" cassettes and thanked him for his patronage. Intrigued, I took the cassette upstairs and popped it into the VCR only to get my first glimpse of hardcore foot fetish porn.

Set aside from the fact that only a complete sociopath would have this sort of stuff sent to their place of employment, what astonished me about this whole thing, was the fact that this sort of stuff existed. Up until this point I'd seen plenty of pornography, but nothing like this. You have to remember, this was the 1990's, pre-internet porn, the craziest stuff in the mainstream was Hustler, and I don't think they were even showing penetration yet. Here I was watching a guy fuck a woman's feet, the only way someone could come across this sort of stuff was either in Amsterdam or hanging out in the back of that white van parked behind 7-11. It was shocking, sort of like the opening of Blue Velvet where a camera pans through a Norman Rockwell type scene, and ultimately settling on the ants and beetles fighting under the grass. Something creepy was going on under the surface.

But those were simpler times, before the wave of sex machines, thai lady-boys, felching, bukkake, and gapers engulfed the internet. Fast forward 10 years, and the days of soft-core porn now glow with a certain naive nostalgia once reserved for episodes of Happy Days or egg creams (search egg cream on a porn site and you'll find something completely different from what Fonzie used to order at Al's). Anyhow, I'm digressing....

Today, I read that Amanda Knox, the American college student, was sentenced to 26 years in an Italian prison for a murder/sex crime that she and her boyfriend did to her roommate. And I'm pleased to say that when I read about their freaky sex/snuff scene, I was a little shocked...



BTW: I hear they cast Wycleff Jean, Elisha Cuthbert, and Harry Potter to star in the biopic. I'm gonna watch it with a belt around my neck so I can choke myself while they get it on!!!