Scared Away

A while back I mentioned how I have a secret crush on Niki Gudex. It really isn't a secret. Most people with eyes feel the same way I do. She keeps popping up in my dreams. Anyway I noticed that there is a place on her website to email her. Since she hadn't updated her site in what seems like years I felt it was my duty to find out what gives.

Email to Niki:

You have got to update your site! The hottest girl in mountain biking
owes it to her fans.

An actual response from Niki:

Thanks Barry. It has been an intense year. I hope to put that information online soon/

All the best,
Niki

My first can not leave well enough alone response:

You actually respond to inane emails like mine? I am impressed. I would think you get 50 nutjob emails a day and some guy with a bad mustache would be responding for you. Something like this:

Dear _______.

I know you are my biggest fan but hiding in the woods and jumping out while I am biking is not a good idea. Please keep in mind people know where I am. Don't take this the wrong way but we will never be together not even in heaven.

Now please keep 50 feet away as the restraining order dictates.

Thanks

Niki


Okay I just made myself laugh. Counts for something

Thanks again

Niki's second mistake:

Thanks Barry, that was hilarious and made my day! Yes I do get a lot of email and some would give your second email a run for its money but I just think that if I wrote to someone then it would be cool if they could respond even only briefly. So I just try my best.
Cool, keep laughing!
Cheers,
Niki

Me pushing it too far:

OMG, you wrote back again. Now we are officially in love. I will
notify the American Press, you can deal with Australia. We can ride
our bikes down the aisle at our wedding. As long as the aisle isn't a
hill there shouldn't be a problem.

I give you one more response before your amusement turns into fear.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now for whatever reason she stopped writing. I think going to her house is the next logical step.

Bad tattoos and 5 cylinder cars

It has been fifteen days since my last post. In that time I found Jesus and adopted a small African boy named Oookkaaa. The first k is silent. I'm lying. It is actually the second k that is silent. In other news I saw a guy today at the gym with an Acura symbol tattooed on his arm. I kid you not, it was an Acura symbol. He did jazz it up a bit with big colorful flames. Pretty fire makes me happy.

My neighbor is trying to unload his '93 Acura Vigor. My match making skills are finally going to pay off.

The Departed

I saw The Departed yesterday and all I have to say is "wow." Actually that isn't all I have to say but it is a start. Most people will see the movie for Nicholson or DiCaprio. I say go see it for Mark Wahlberg. His character and dialogue were amazing. I can imagine Scorsese coaching him:

Scorsese - "Just play yourself if you never made it out of Boston."
Wahlberg - "Shut up, you dumb guinea!!"
Scorsese - "I think you're ready."

Mark Walbherg has officially redeemed himself for making Planet of the Apes. Now that I think about it, what is with Mark Wahlberg making nothing but remakes?

• The Italian Job
• The Truth About Charlie
• Planet of the Apes
• The Departed

Happy Birthday To Me!

Hello everyone,

Thirty-one years ago today with one epidural and plenty of pizza my mother released me from her loins. The years have been good to me. Some of the highlights:

• Cured cancer when I was 5.
• Created a vaccine for AIDS when I was 12.
• Earned my first billion by 15.
• Posed in Playgirl at 18.
• Graduated from med/business/law school at 19.
• Introduced the indigenous people of New Guinea to a banking system using coconuts at 23.
• Fought Uday Hussein to the death at 28
• Found a renewable natural fuel to power flying cars at 30.

Even with everything I have accomplished I still wouldn't mind some gifts:

• Defender
• Explorer
• 959
• Batcave
• Turbo

Thanks everyone!