Slomin's Shield Hates Women

I bet you didn't know this, but women be crazy. It's a fact, look it up... or just accept the examples offered by the good people at The Slomin's Shield.

It's no secret that ads typically distort the facts in order to move product, but I guess when you're trying to sell a home security system with as jewey a name as "The Slomin's Shield" you gotta pull out the big guns, and there is no gun bigger than a crazy-ass woman, am I right?

In the first ad, we're introduced to a couple who think their house has been robbed, nothing out of the ordinary until we get to see the alternate ending where it turns out that it was the neighbor's house that got robbed.



Apparently life with the Slomin's Shield allows you to be a petty bitch that relishes the sense of superiority and schadenfreude that result from seeing your neighbors get robbed. Did you notice how she turned on a dime from being worried about her precious stuff to rolling her eyes and saying "I told you so" about the neighbor?

Next up is the same couple except this time, they flipped the text. Here we're told that unless you get the Slomin's Shield your wife is gonna be nothing but an angry harpie buzz-kill that won't let you leave the house.



Notice that look she shoots him when he tries to suggest something fun? Shrinkage. So where the first ad seemed to be marketed toward the women by saying "If you get the Slomin's Shield you can be a real bitch", the second seems to be targeted toward the men with the message that "If you get the Slomin's Shield, your wife will stop being a real bitch". Either way you cut it, Slomin's thinks women are bitches.

Just check this final ad out, in both instances the woman is a chicken-headed mess. The only difference is that when you have the Slomin's Shield, you can pretty much tell your wife to shut the fuck up and chill out...



Really, the only thing missing from his reaction to her concern was him calling her a dumb broad when he orders her to go back to sleep (after she takes her ass downstairs to make him a sandwich of course).