Swine Flue Vaccine - I am legend 2

This is the first year I have ever gotten a flu shot. I was shopping in CVS when I saw a line forming toward the back of the store. I had no clue what it was for but I figured the best it could be was a line for blow jobs. The worst it could be was me giving them. Anyway I got a flu shot and have had no adverse reactions. Now I hear all this talk about how everyone needs a swine flu shot. I have read nothing on the subject but I did hear from a local homeless man that there hasn't been enough testing and there is a chance it could fuck my shit up. Based on that bit of information, I am saying there is a 50/50 chance that anyone who gets it will turn into a zombie. I don't like those odds. Have you seen I am Legend? I don't know any black doctors so I doubt we will ever find a cure.

The cameo in Zombieland is Bill Murray

Captain Lou Albano - RIP

Nothing funny about this.



Rest in peace you dear sweet man

No comment needed

I apologize for posting a video instead of writing a witty post about some nonsense, but I think that if you watch the tape you will agree I couldn't improve upon perfection.

FOUR DAYS TILL DYNAMITE!!!!

Do you hear me you honkey motherfucka? Friday Black Dynamite comes out. If you can't wait like I can't, you can kill some time at Black Dynamite Yo'self.

Right turn Barry - Final thoughts on Comic Con Long Beach

I stayed too long at this shitastic show for one reason and one reason only. That reason being to meet a man who not only worked with Clint Eastwood, but also with the greatest Chimpanzee to ever walk the south west. A man who can say he is fifty percent responsible for Juliette Lewis being alive. Juliette Lewis can thank witchcraft and Scientology for the other fifty percent. The man with all of these accomplishments is none other than Geoffrey Lewis. As I walked around Comic Con I noticed a table with some old photos from Any Which Way You Can and Thunderbolt and Lightfoot, but no one sitting there. I paced back and forth waiting to see if Orville was really going to show up, which kind of freaked out George Lazenby who had a table set up next to him. Ten minutes, fifteen minutes, twenty minutes. I waited and waited. Thirty minutes go by when finally Geoffrey Lewis comes walking in. Before he can even sit down I run up to him and shout like a crazy person, "I have been waiting for you!" I could tell by the look in his eyes I scared him. He apologized and told me he was at his daughter's soccer game. I jokingly asked, "Juliette's?" He said no (he has nine other kids) and asked me to pick a picture to autograph. He started to sign it before I could say sign it "Right turn, Barry." If I hadn't attacked him like a lion eating a gazelle I would have made him start over. I really need to work on my celebrity stalking.

Birthday

Thirty four years ago a young virgin Sybil was shopping in Medi-Mart when she got a cramp in her side. Not sure what to do she asked the pharmacist if there was anywhere she could sit and of course if she could use an expired coupon for Milk from another store for her purchases of toilet paper and cough syrup. Before the pharmacist could answer the floor was flooded with amniotic fluid and there was a sudden bulge in Sybil's polyester pants. She lost consciousness almost immediately. When she woke up in the auto parts aisle there was a baby in her arms. I was that baby!! There is still no explanation for how I came to be. All I ask is that you worship me on this day.

Crepes are shit

I am interrupting my Comic Con posting to discuss the shit hole Crepes to Go. Every day I torture myself and those who eat with me by deliberating on where to have dinner. If figuring the main course wasn't painful enough I seem to have a knack for not knowing where to have dessert either. God forbid it's the same place. Last night I was driving around LA trying to figure out where my sweet toof was going to be satisfied when my friend mentioned going to the Crepe Nazi. Before I go any further, let me preface this story by saying I hate crepes as much as Ricky Bobby. They make no sense. Sure give me one with some fruit in it and I can pretend it is a thin pancake, but try filling it with seafood and you have blown my mind. I don't go for the whole savory experience. I feel bad for the lobster jammed inside the crepe. It has to feel as out of place as I used to in gym class. So knowing I already have a chip on my shoulder about thin pancakes I should have said I will pass but instead I let curiosity get the better of me.
"Crepe Nazi?"
"Yeah, some hole in the wall crepe place on Sawtelle where the chef yells at you if you don't know your order in advance. There are no questions to be asked. You order, give money, and return when it is done."
"Fine, let's try it."

We pull up to the crepe place and the first thing I notice is the sign that states you should not enter without knowing your order. Only idiots and children can come in without being ready. Well I am a man child who is also an idiot so I really should have gotten a pass.

I walked in and ordered:
"I will have a pumpkin pie crepe and an apple crepe"
"We are out of pumpkin pie!!"
"Make it an apple and a peach"
"Okay return in twenty minutes. I do not want to see you until then"

I walk outside and wait patiently. Five minutes go by when the Crepe Nazi rang a bell. I look around and since there were no other customers I figure he finished early. I walked in to the crepe equivalent of Joseph Goebbels screaming:
"What did I tell you. TWENTY MINUTES!!!"

I scurried out in shame. I was so embarrassed that when the crepes were finally done I sent my friend to get them. Here is the worst part. For all the abuse I can't even report the crepes were good. They were ice cold and the fruit was out of a can. I don't even think it was canned fruit. I just think he had some dirty can full of cigarette butts and rancid peaches. I want this douche to go out of business. The store next door told me that the police have been called on several occasions by customers assaulted with a spatula. That reminds me of another story that I will tell in therapy.

There is one redeemable thing about this Nazi. This sign was hanging on his door:

WTF!!!

Let off some steam, Bennett.

Actual conversation I had with Vernon Wells of Commando and Mad Max fame:
Barry: It is an honor to meet you. I love your work. Commando was on yesterday.
Vernon: (Eyes roll) Yeah it is on every day. I wish it would go away.
Barry: Come on!
Vernon: I only make like 20 cents each time it is on.
Barry: That's too bad. Who is crazier, Mel Gibson or Arnold?
Vernon: Mel was cool. Arnold could get annoying.
Barry: Wow you were in Shrimp on the Barbi too!
Vernon: You know you look like Freddy Prinze Junior.
Barry: Okay I guess that is a compliment.

I promptly ran away after that.

Synchronictiy

Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events that are causally unrelated occurring together in a meaningful manner. To count as synchronicity, the events should be unlikely to occur together by chance.

So I am walking around Comic Con sweating my guts out because I had to park miles away and walk among nerds like I was one of them when out of nowhere I see Pat Harrington Jr. a.k.a. Dwayne F. Schneider a.k.a. the black plunger sitting at a booth signing photos of himself with a pack of cigarettes tucked under one sleeve for the sum of 20 bucks a pop. I did a double take and could have sworn he winked at me. What are the odds? I wasn't able to get my phone out quick enough to take his photo and there was no way he was getting 20 dollars from me so I am posting a picture of Anthony Michael Hall instead. I didn't get too close because his booth stunk like farts (seriously!), but he was probably signing photographs of himself with Chet.

More to come!

Comic Con in one picture

I am working on so many posts regarding the 53 minutes I spent at Comic Con Long Beach this past Saturday. I know you are dying with anticipation so while you wait for the real stuff I figured I would post a random picture of a nice family who clearly knew how to get their nerd on.

Comic Con Long Beach

I am thinking of going to Comic Con Long Beach tomorrow. I have no clue what I will find there. I am not even sure it is a real show. I am picturing a couple of homeless guys under the Gerald Desmond Bridge burning the Sunday comics. I figure it will take me at least two hours to figure out that homeless batman is not really Adam West. Or is he? Stay tuned for my show report tomorrow!