The 'lude

As many of you might remember, I had a 1989 Honda Prelude through most of my formidable years. The 'lude served me well on my many travels. Up and down the eastern seaboard it went without an issue. Who can forget how flawlessly it performed going to Key West during one of my college breaks. Sadly, after 220 thousand miles we were forced to part ways. Last I saw it was flying a Puerto Rican flag in Lodi. I kid. I am thinking about combining my love for nostalgia and my love for the Subaru Brat by buying this amazing vehicle.

Greatest Prelude of all time
Its not a Prelude, its not a truck, it's an amazing cruck!!!!!

Splash Too?

Has anyone heard of Splash Too?. I challenge the world to find me a person who has actually seen this movie.

American Ninja/Rollerblader

I enjoy spotting celebrities doing every day normal activites. I would assume seeing an actor buy groceries gives me the same kind of high a bird watcher gets when he sees a rare Strigiformes in a tree in his yard. "Oh look it is a Blakiston's Fish Owl." Anyway, I had my rare sighting on Friday when I saw none other than American Ninja himself, Michael Dudikoff roller-blading along the ocean in Hermosa. I decided this would be my first expereience in acosting an actor to tell them how impressed I was with their body of work, but alas by the time I turned around to sing the praises of his portrayal of a private in the army single-handedly taking on mercenaries in the Philippines, he was gone. Vanished like the ninja he so often portrayed. Maybe next time.

You failed me Mrs. Pearlmutter

I thought I mastered the English language. Oh, how I was wrong. My Achilles' heel is saying "coleslaw." For whatever reason I say, "co-slaw." I have failed linguists everywhere.

Over the weekend I also had trouble with the following:
Ed McMahon - called him "Egg McMahon"
Apparently - said "A Parrot lee"

*Mrs. Pearlmutter was my elementary school language teacher.

You Don't Mess with the Mrs. Edna Ann Garrett

Every once in a while a movie comes out that touches the soul. A movie that can do no wrong. That movie is You Don't Mess with the Zohan. It has been years since Adam Sandler truly entertained me. Actually it has been thirteen years. That is when Billy Madisoncame out. Granted now I can't sit through it, but at the time I felt it was pure genius. Mr Sandler must have reviewed the tape because I can feel the very essence of Billy Madison in the Zohan. To quote Billy, "Conditioner is better. I leave the hair silky and smooth." It is this line that drove the plot of You Don't Mess with the Zohan, What could be better than a movie about a ex Mossad agent who just wants to make the world silky and smooth by being a hair dresser. This is obviously why I am not working in Hollywood. It takes a true professional to come up with an idea this brilliant. I don't really want to give too much of the movie away because I feel it really deserves to make money, but I will leave you with two reasons alone to see it; Dave Mathews is a villain and the Zohan has relations with Edna Garrett.

See it, otherwise you are directly supporting terrorism.

Poaching at its worst

Poaching is the illegal hunting, fishing or harvesting of wild plants or animals. It may be illegal because:

The game or fish is not in season, usually the breeding season is declared as the closed season when wildlife species are protected by law.
The poacher does not possess a license.
The poacher is illegally selling the animal or animal parts or plant for a profit.
The animal is being hunted outside of legal hours.
The hunter used an illegal weapon for that animal.
The animal or plant is on restricted land.
The right to hunt this animal is claimed by somebody.
The means used are illegal (for example, baiting a field while hunting quail, using spotlights to stun or paralyze deer, or hunting from a moving vehicle, watercraft, or aircraft).
The animal or plant is protected by law or that it has been listed as extinct or an endangered (see for example the Endangered Species Act for the USA)
The animal or plant has been tagged by a researcher.

According to this definition I think I have a case.

My Seinfeld Post
Lame Copy

I am going to have to start writing more posts otherwise the wooden soldier will run out of ideas.

23

As some of you might know I have a $100 bet with a friend regarding which one of us will expire first. Simple rules: Whoever dies first will make provisions in their estate to have a hundred dollar bill put into their burial suit coat pocket so that when the friend who is alive pays his last respects he can take it out of coffin. Obviously this is how it will go down in theory. As of right now it is more likely for both of us to be buried in a corn field while wearing tuxedo tee shirts then for either of us to be buried in a coat, but I digress.

I am now officially 6% closer to my $100. According to the machine from the future, I at my worst am 17% fat. That is, as I was told by my friend, 32 pounds of butter. He laughed at my rotundness. Well said friend just came for a visit and was so sure he was less fat than me that he was willing to ride over to my gym so he too could find out his percentage. If the machine is to be trusted, he is 23% body fat. That is 42 pounds of butter.

I know it doesn't matter who is in the lead because it all comes down to who finishes first, or in this case last, but for now I will take my little victory.

Hey fatty, maybe they can bury you in a piano case.