Q: What's better than walking out in the middle of an Ethan Hawke film?
A: Exploiting him for your personal financial gain...
The other night I met a friend for a couple dozen drinks at the Tipsy Parson and was seated directly behind E. f'in Hawke. Normally, news like that would elicite a yawn, or at best a "who gives a fuck". However, on this particular afternoon, the Hawkman was accompanied by his family including the new 2 week old kid that even People magazine doesn't have pictures of. This kid was so small that if someone dumped strawberry jelly all over it, I'd have been convinced that it was born right that moment in the restaurant. If I just had the wherewithal to appreciate the opportunity that fate had presented to me, I'd have snapped some camera-phone pics of the kid and sold them to US Weekly (my friend actually had this idea, but she, like I, didn't want to anger the Hawke family).
Actually, now that I think of it, angering the Hawke family might have been the way to go, how much cash do you think I could get for selling this story "Disabled man beaten up by Ethan Hawke in front of his new baby"?
Fuck, such a missed opportunity.
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