The end is nigh

Anyone see the movie 2012? Unless you've recently been on a flight, probably not, since only the mentally retarded would voluntarily sit through that dreck*.

It's a shame too, because while the movie sucked, it provided valuable clues regarding the human race's imminent demise. The movie's plot is basically "OH NO, THERE'S AN EARTHQUAKE, RUN AWAY!!!" and while there have been many natural disaster films in the past, I think this one may be coming true. The basic premise is that billions of years ago, the Mayans predicted that the world would end once we elected a black president. For your consideration:

Point #1: It's almost 2012. While the major action in the film takes place in 2012 over the course of a week or so, I believe the recent increase in volcanic/earthquake-ic activity is a clear sign that the shit's in the mail. Keep in mind, the Mayans were mexican and didn't have calculators, so you can't fault them if they were off by a year or two.

Point #2: Volcanos and Earthquakes are fucking shit up like a bastard. Haiti, South America, California, China, Iceland - anyone see a pattern here? The USGS tracks these things on this map. Bottom line, we're fucked.

Point #3: John Cusack is fat. In the movie, the normally fit Cusack is replaced with a fat Cusack, or Fatsack. This may not seem important to the layperson, but anyone familiar with geology knows that this means the plate tectonics are all messed up (something to do with the sedimentary rock formations I believe).

Point #4: Black president. It's been proven before that when America has a black president, all sorts of crazy shit happens (Deep Impact, Idiocracy, 24, The Fifth Element). Well guess what....

So there you have it, incontrovertible proof that the world is coming to an end. I'd say you should check the movie out to see what you can do to save yourself, but getting swallowed up by a volcano may be less painful. Your call.


*The Barry Rides wishes to apologize to its large and loyal retarded readership, no offense was intended by suggesting that you'd enjoy the film 2012.