Choke On It

I was reading the New York Times food section the other day (because I'm classy and urbane) and I saw an article about how the new hip ingredient that everyone's getting into is rabbit and while that might turn some people off, it made perfect sense to me. You see, the simple fact is, when faced with a choice of what to eat, the easiest way to cut through the bullshit is to always eat the cuter animal. For your consideration:



Cows are pretty damn tasty, and they can be pretty cute in a weird way, but you know what's better than beef? Veal. And you want to know why? It's cuter. I mean look at this thing...



Who wouldn't want to eat that? But I can go one further, lamb is even more delicious than veal, just look at this little fucker, my mouth is watering as I type this...



And with lamb you get to see this law in action. Think about the fact that the older and more haggerd a lamb gets, the tougher and more gamey it's meat becomes. Who wants to eat this thing?



So yeah, when I read about restaurants adding cute little bunnies to their menus I don't get outraged or grossed out, I make a reservation. I say fuck it, why stop with the usual farm-type animals, I bet Panda is the most delicious thing on earth, I want to eat one with some BBQ sauce. Imagine what a sea otter must taste like when it uses its tiny little paws to smash open mussel shells with river stones, so cute. Genie pops out of a bottle and asks me what I want to eat? Raven Symone circa 1989 with a can of orange slice.



That's my death-row meal.