So much in common

Today one of my co-workers who I normally don't talk to walked up to me and said, "Hey, Barry, I hear we have something in common." As soon as the statement was made I began to freak out. I have a guilty conscience. I immediately ran through all that we could have in common; stealing office supplies, cheating on taxes, banging his wife, etc, etc. Before I could squirm too long, he told me what it was. He said matter of factly, "I have an anal fissure and I hear you had one too." What an awesome thing to be known for in the work place. Yes it is true I did have an anal fissure a few years ago. I made some jokes about it at work so of course now everyone knows and thinks I am authority. I feel bad for the guy. It was the worst pain I have ever had in life. I gave him all the advice I could (doctor recommendation). Sadly I had to have surgery, but maybe he will get lucky and it will heal on its own. If you would like to learn more about my anal fissure adventures, click here.

Become an awesome lover with Soft Viagra

I have been getting inundated with emails lately regarding my prowess as a lover. I am not sure why but every email is for some soft form of medication. I assume they think I am an old man who either can't swallow or has no teeth. By using soft Viagra I can gum the pill until I have an erection.

This is the body of the email. I suggest not clicking the link:

From: Nacexo Riqeme
groups.google.com/group/we859dm7/web/gr5s

The new group of potential mercenaries had diverse specialties. Some were proficient at hand-to-hand combat against the thinking machines; others had developed more esoteric sabotage or destruction skills. All of them, though, were useful additions in the age-old struggle against Omnius.

I am beyond confused about the text. What does soft Viagra have to do with mercenaries?

Eye Twitch

For the past week my right eye has been quivering like it ate raw chicken. I have tried everything. Xanax, sleep, bananas for potassium, poking it with a finger, yet it still twitches. I have now decided it is time for a patch. I think it will make me look sophisticated.

Thoughts?