Point/Counterpoint

It was with great excitement that I read Barry's review of the new Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson film "Faster", which is why it brings me no joy to write the following review.



Look closely, if the turd in this picture had a Samoan tattoo, it would be "Faster" in a nutshell. Barry now owes me $7.50 and an apology.

Somebody please kill my brother

Faster - the review

Last night I saw a movie that made me wish long and hard that someone would kill my brother. Not for the obvious reasons that anyone reading this might think, but for the sheer chance that if someone one killed him I could go on a killing spree to avenge his murder. After watching Faster I never wanted my brother dead more, that and I want to be a 6'4 half black, half samoan man.

I want to live inside this movie. The best scene is when Kenneth Wurman says, "You shit on my house", as the Rock puts a bullet into his head. With the exception of the fact that Billy Bob Thorton somehow ended up on the screen I would say it was the best movie of 2010. I really felt for the characters. I might have even cried when it was over. Go see it right now!

New Show Idea

I want to pitch a new show, so if you know any high power Hollywood types please let me know.
Here's the show idea.
Situational Comedy - 30 Minutes
Mom - Jewish
Dad - Jewish
Kids - Twins - Also Jewish. One is super smart and the other is athletic. Haven't decided but one can be a boy and the other a girl.
Time Period - 1941
Location - Germany - Concentration Camp.

Too soon? Now don't get all upset. Think of all the hi-jinx that could ensue. I am picturing an episode where the daughter brings home the love of her life to meet her dad. Oh yeah he's a Nazi. Man, I think I struck gold.

Championshit Edition

Apparently there is a meme going around on YouTube that involves setting funny or kooky videos to the Guile soundtrack from Street Fighter II.
I caught wind of this recently and upon viewing some of the entries found myself pretty disappointed. A typical lame example follows:




I mean that's kind of amusing or whatever, but I feel that such a solid premise is worthy of so much more. The music just seems so emotional.
So with that in mind I produced my own, more dramatic version:

To Kill a Mockingbird

Ohio police reportedly found the bodies of three missing people stuffed into a hollowed out tree. Sure some of you are probably thinking that Boo Radley's to blame. And why not, after all, he loves stuffing creepy shit into hollowed out trees. Sadly though, the real perpetrator has been apprehended and it turns out it was one of the Keebler Elves.



It seems that sales started slipping after the whole "trans-fat" controversy, so the elves converted the cookie factory into a meth lab and things have gone down hill since.

Cultural Zeitgeist

There's a lot going on in the world, but I think this pretty much sums it up.

Schreck 5

Julius Schreck - Dead Nazi

Today, the NY Times reported that for the last four years, the Justice Department has been trying to conceal the fact that the US government provided safe-haven to Nazis after World War II. The 600+ page document goes into great detail about how hundreds of former Nazis were allowed to immigrate to the United States, and in some instances, were given assistance in concealing their identities. I cannot easily express how angry this makes me.

The fact that our government would hide this from us for so many years sickens me, not as an American, not as a Jew, not even as a moral person, but as an amateaur Nazi-Hunter. Hell, according to the report, an SS officer named Tscherim Soobzokov was allowed to live in Paterson, NJ until Mossad killed him with a letter bomb in 1985. PATERSON, NEW JERSEY! That's only 10 miles from where I grew up! That's like finding out that your neighbor had the last known unicorn living in his backyard - a week after it died.

Nazis are becoming increasingly rare, and therefore more and more precious. That the government hid the fact that there were so many Nazis living amongst us is an outrage. Barry and I have both dreamt that one day, we'd be able to abduct a former Nazi from their home (or place of business) and bring them to justice in Israel, sadly, due to our government's lies, that dream is unlikely to be realized.

Each day that our leaders continue this deceit, we lose more Nazis to natural causes. Hasn't this gone on for long enough? I believe that the poet John Greenleaf Whittier put it best, "For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been' ".