Nigger Jim, get your raft ready

I just found out my dog has cancer again. I am not pleased. Friday he leaves for Colorado State University to get the best treatment my credit card can buy. While there he will be spending some time at the Canine Health Resort. Everybody wish him luck. He better live forever.

Our president is black and our children stupid

America is really falling apart. Last night when I couldn't make it through anymore of the President's state of the union speech (as he was introduced), I started flipping through the channels. I didn't change the channel because of Barry being black (him not me), I just didn't want to listen to a guy who is planning on taxing me on money I haven't made and never will. Anyway I was flipping through the channels when I came across the movie Twilight. After watching ten minutes of it, I realize now America is in deep shit. I understand Hollywood will make anything as long as it makes money and I respect that, it is the same reason I will dig a ditch or let a middle aged white man slap my ass for fifty dollars. What I don't understand is how every 14 year old in America has a hard on for this movie. I have never seen a smellier pile of shit in my life. The acting is terrible and my morning constitutional has more of a story. And I only made it through ten minutes. The youth of America are completely retarded.

Vampires sparkle like diamonds in the sun.

The terrorists have already won.

I miss the '80s

Three amazing quotes from a '80's pile of shit. Guess the movie and win nothing.

You blow away a broad's date, the least you can do is drive her home.

Well, there's some good and there's some bad news. The good news is you're right - I'm a cop and I've gotta take you in. The bad news is I've been suspended and I don't give a fuck.

I hear West Hollywood's a faggot sewer.

People of the world unite

We have had some major tragedy in the world this week. There are close to 500,000 people dead or missing on a tiny island. From what I understand it is pure anarchy. I ask you in this difficult time to do what you can to help, whether it be donate money, services or just open your home to refugees, now is the time to be selfless. I swear I have never seen Puerto Rico in such despair. Earthquakes suck.

***Photo taken moments ago in downtown Port au Prince

So fucking laz....

I have been so lazy lately I haven't even posted about being too lazy to blog. Reminds me of a bit Louis C.K. did about a heckler. Something about when they were born someone walked by and say "Hey look at that cunt coming out of some cunt's cunt.

I like to say cunt.

Blog on.

Spoiler - The entire plot of Sherlock Holmes

I saw Sherlock Holmes and I plan to ruin it for everyone. Stop reading if you actually want to waste your money and see it.
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So Sherlock Holmes had a ton of hype and yes there is some great scenery, and some good fight scenes, oh and some dark arts trickery, but really the big thing in the movie, the big thing that sets up part two, is that the bad guys want a to steal a garage door opener. That's it. I just gave it all away. It is actually a pretty good thing to want. Who the hell wants to get out of their car and manually open their garage, then have to get back in the car to park? That sounds terrible. I feel the bad guy's pain. I really could relate to him.

I just saved you ten bucks. You can thank me after you watch it on cable.

Happy Fucking New Year!

I have made some resolutions for the new year. No particular order:

• Get rich or die trying
• Catch Bin Laden (see get rich)
• Grow two inches
• Punch Betty White in the face again
• Stop that porn tape of me and Betty White from being released.
• Get OJ out of jail
  
• Learn to weld
• Get a 2010 Calender
• Laugh at the homeless
• Write a trilogy
• Run a marathon naked
• Convert to Judaism
• See the movie Kick Ass

I am sure I am forgetting something but for now I think I have a good start.
****Betty White is a saint and I would never punch her.

Happy New Year from The Barry Rides!